The other day my girlfriend got upset with me when I suggested that we start cutting back on our cannibis use, since it can suppress our immune systems and we, and the world, are experiencing a pandemic. I didn't think it was all that bad until she talked trash to her family and friends about me saying that I "took it away from her". It's really frustrating me and I'm thinking of breaking up with her because she's not taking this isolation thing seriously and she's being a pain in the ass. It's not like I'm physically stopping her from smoking, I'm just asking for us to be healthier so we don't get this virus, and now I'm the bad guy. She's very clingy too, I can't even take a shower by myself...
- Not sure what to do, Albuquerque, NM
Dear Not Sure,
Before making any steps towards a breakup might I share a few tidbits. A. Weed is often seen (or felt) as "freedom", especially in times of survival-stress so being told to cut back may be felt as freedom being taken away or BEING CONTROLLED (especially if you're the supply of said freedom) B. "Clingy" is often a side-effect of co-dependence which can feel good when we're needing it but, then be suffocating at times we're not needing it C. Trash-talking another is often a symptom of CPTSD as the "processing" needed to be fair, goes out the window when the right brain emotion overpowers the left brain logic reasoning D. Often when there is an issue of "being controlled" or having "pleasures taken away", deeper childhood trauma comes into play (trigger) because in childhood many of us might have felt we had no control E. CPTSD from childhood trauma can cause imbalances within the nueron and peptide processing when "thinking". This can make navigating adult relationships, stress, survival, weight issues, anxiety, memories, depression, and so many other aspects of life quite challenging.
Now, opening a dialogue up with your girlfriend about how she feels about freedom, being controlled, abandonment, what pleasure is, and how important weed is will help you understand your girlfriend more and most definitely help both of you to a new perspective. If you can express your opinion of feeling suffocation, being healthier, and feeling like a "bad guy", you'll feel heard and be able to move on to negotiation. If you need assistence in any of these areas, I am available for Intimacy Life Coaching sessions where I can go further into the causes of both of your thought processing. Thank you for sharing here on HelpOthersJunkee blog and helping others with your experiences. - Dezi Golden, RMTI-CLC
"Often fighting someone else's demons brings about our own." - Dezi Golden