Have you heard about narcissists? They're the devil for someone trying to heal from CPTSD. Truly. They’re the worse abusers just about anyone can come across, and here's why:
“…they are psychological abusers that get immense gratification
from mentally torturing another…”
A narcissist can be sitting right next to us and we won’t know it! It’s the covertness of them that can send us over the edge. The NOT-KNOWING. They can be a parent, sibling, boss, or even your life-long partner.
“…they enjoy the effort of making others feel not worthy, a nothing…”
Spend too much energy around these energy-sucks and we're sure to lose our self-worth, learn to be scared and feel guilt even shame! This is what they place into our minds. So secretly, so smoothly, we don’t even know it’s happening.
Basically, the abuse starts small. Then it gradually, oh so gradually, grows. Fear, shame, guilt, and criticism become their weapons of choice.
This funny word “Narcissism”, isn’t all that common yet. But, with more and more recognition of NPD diagnoses as a legitimate mitigating factor in criminal trials, the future looks promising as judges and psychiatrists are agreeing that this form of mental “bullying” is unacceptable.
Can you imagine a narcissistic mental abuser being charged with a felony?
That serial cheater you know? Those “mean girls” down the street? That grandparent that texts your teen about their sexual preferences being unacceptable?
Speaking of the funny word Narcissism, it’s derived from Greek mythology and the figure Narcissus. He was so impossibly handsome that he fell in love with his own image reflected in a
pool of water. Even the lovely Echo could not manage to tempt him from his self-absorption.
His mother was warned of him, as a child, early on. As he grew into his teenage years, the handsome youth never perceived love, leaving in his wake a long trail of distressed and broken-hearted maidens and two young men. He then, one day by chance, happened upon his own reflection in a pool of water and, thus, discovered the ultimate in unrequited love, and fell in love…WITH HIMSELF!
Naturally, this one-way relationship could go nowhere, and Narcissus, unable to draw himself away from the pool, pined away in despair until he finally died of thirst and starvation. Immortality was assured, though, when his corpse (or in some versions the blood from his self-inflicted stab wound) turned into the flowers which, thereafter, bore his name.
Narcissus' name lives on as the flower into which he was transformed and is a synonym for those obsessed with their own appearance.
Today, narcissism is much more than mere conceitedness or undying admiration for oneself! It is classified as a disorder and the worst part?
THERE IS NO MEDICATION OR CURE!
That’s right, read that again. It is a PERSONALITY disorder. Once the personality forms in fraudulence (between ages 0 - 6 years) there is no hope.
Scary? Scary doesn’t even touch it. This is why we’ll be studying it here on HelpOthersJunkie Blog and basically, for the rest of our lives. Why? Well, simply because most of us are trying to survive CPTSD symptoms and ironically every attribute of a narcissist can trigger CPTSD! You see, most sufferers of CPTSD were traumatized by someone with a narcissistic personality disorder in the first place...and for far too long. They are the OG of mental abusers!!!
That's right, in many cases, narcissistic abuse is what leads to CPTSD! Let’s explore some of the devastating traits of this disorder:
Lying (by commission): A lie is an assertion that is believed to be false, typically used with the purpose of deceiving someone. Narcissists are expert liars; doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways so naturally. Born cheaters.
Lying by omission: This is a subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth
Denial: Manipulators (deniers) refusing to admit that they have done something wrong; they cannot speak truth
Rationalization: Excuses made by a manipulator or liar, for inappropriate behavior
Minimization: This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that their behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example, saying that teasing or an insult was only a joke
Selective Attention: Manipulators refuse to pay attention to anything that may distract them from their agenda, saying things like "I don't want to hear it"
Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic (see also Gaslighting)
Covert Intimidation: Manipulators throw victims into defensive mode by using veiled (subtle, indirect, or implied) threats
Guilting: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that they do not care enough, are too selfish, or have it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position
Shaming: The abusive manipulator uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators aim to make one feel ashamed, challenged, or inadequate
Vilifying the Victim: More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive, while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator. The abuser falsely accuses the victim as being the actual abuser when the victim defends or stands up for themselves
Playing Victim: Manipulator portrays him/herself as a victim in order to gain pity, sympathy, or evoke compassion and thereby get from others. Empathic, caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see others suffering, and the manipulator, hating them for their compassionate ways, purposely seeks them out, AND MAKES THEM PAY for their loving ways
Stealthy Servant Role: Cloaking a self-serving agenda in the guise of a service to a more noble cause, for example saying they are acting in a certain way to be "obedient" to or in "service" to an authority figure or "just doing their job"
Seduction: Manipulative abuser uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others, in order to get them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to the manipulator. They will purposely offer help with the intent to gain trust and access to an unsuspecting victim they have charmed
Projecting Blame: Manipulators “scapegoat” in subtle, hard-to-detect ways. Often, the manipulator will project their own thinking onto the victim, making the victim look like they have done something wrong. Manipulators will also claim that the victim is the one who is at fault for believing lies that they were conned into believing, as if the victim forced the manipulator to be deceitful. All blame is done in order to make the victim feel guilty about making healthy choices, correct thinking, and good behaviors. Used as a means of psychological and emotional manipulation and control. Manipulators lie about lying, only to re-manipulate the original, less believable story into a "more acceptable" truth that the victim will believe. Manipulators may falsely accuse the victim as "deserving to be treated that way." They claim the victim is crazy and/or abusive, especially when there is evidence against them as the originating manipulator (distraction tactic)
Feigning Innocence: Manipulators try to suggest that any harm done was unintentional, or that they did not do something that they were accused of. They use looks of surprise or indignation to make the victim question their own sanity and judgment (again, see “Gaslighting)
Feigning Confusion: Manipulators try to play “dumb” by pretending they do not know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to their attention. Manipulators intentionally confuse the victim in order for the victim to doubt their own accuracy of perception, often pointing out key elements that the manipulator intentionally included in case there is room for doubt. Sometimes manipulators will have used cohorts in advance to help back up their story. (see narcissistic allies)
Brandishing Anger: Manipulators use loud, or ridiculous, anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, they’re usually pleased, they just put on an act. They just want what they want and get "angry" when denied so they can bully. Controlled anger is often used as a manipulation tactic to avoid confrontation, to avoid telling the truth, or to further distract from intent. (Threats of going to the police, or falsely reporting abuses are contrived to scare or intimidate the victim into submission. Blackmail and other threats of exposure are other forms of controlled anger) Anger is often used as a tool or defense to ward off inquiries or suspicion. The victim becomes more focused on the anger instead of the manipulation tactic.
Bandwagon Effect: Manipulators comfort the victim into submission by claiming (whether true or false) that many people already have done something, and the victim should as well. These include phrases such as "Many people like you ..." or "Everyone does this anyways." Such manipulation can be seen in peer pressure situations, often occurring in scenarios where the manipulator attempts to influence the victim into trying drugs or other substances. Narcissists are known to use this effect when attempting to coerce a partner into sexual situations outside of their boundaries
The Win: Manipulators are losers, sadly usually before the age of six, and do not develop a proper personality. This “loser” feeling fuels their need to make the world, and especially the empathic victims in it, suffer. Their minds work in an obsessive need to “win” no matter what, in all things, only to leave them feeling worse and thus still a loser. If we are happy, they must win at diffusing that. If another is in love, they obsess over destroying it. They are destroyers, and NEVER happy with all that they destroy! Their purpose is to abuse emotionally, mentally, verbally, sexually and/or physically, to anyone loving and vulnerable. They are losers who exploit the winners they wish they could be like...
Let’s Explore how NPDs Reverse CPTSD Recovery
If you’ve had the unfortunate luck to cross paths with a narcissistic manipulator, read further to realize the effects narcissistic abuse can have on a CPTSD recovering sufferer:
Insomnia is a process whereby a person finds it difficult to sleep. Anyone who has gone through any form of abuse usually has this kind of symptom. Insomnia is often the result of the fight-flight-freeze hormone, Cortisol, stored in the body after a heightened episode of dealing with an abuser. The body * mind * soul will attempt to regulate and align during “down time” which can be torturous because exhaustion begs for sleep. With the proper tools (i.e. quantum hypnosis, transcendental meditations, proper processing in both right and left brain areas) insomnia can dissipate. Be sure to schedule an Intimacy Life Coaching session with Dezi to begin healing and sleep fully again!
Abuse is always recorded in the minds of CPTSD victims, and it can make them reflexively anxious. Anxiety sets in, the body begins to use it as a “go-to” tool which is in contrast to the healing and regulation needed. Brain processing and mind alignment must be re-trained in order to keep auto-immune disorders away.
Abuse has the power to cripple a person from the brain down to every part of the body. A narcissist’s psychological abuse affects a person's mental health which can result multiple body systems running improperly. It leads to consistent Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms because the emotional portion of the brain begins working against the logical part. This is a very dangerous dis-alignment for the mind, body, and soul often resulting in dis-ease that lands in the body.
A sufferer trying to recover from CPTSD can sometimes go into depression because the body tries to be too strong for too long. The abuse can trigger passed traumas whereby the body systems can feel as if the same level of abuse is happening again. It is extremely important for the victim to go “no contact” with the manipulator or risk needing medication or hospitalization in order to recover.
To Wrap It Up
Narcissistic abuse victims are often subjected to long-lasting PTSD, which is a major cause of most CPTSD diagnoses. Such victims tend to need to get away from their manipulator but because of the brain dis-regulation, can end up attracting to more manipulators due to familiarity. A sufferer of CPTSD will become hypersensitive to emotion, and at the same time, react in an emotionally numb way. It’s very confusing and torturous for the victim, especially when in childhood. If you know of a victim who:
Exhibits the “disease to please” traits
Shows addiction to earning approval and acceptance
Appears to have Emotophobic (a fear of feeling negative emotions i.e. disapproval, frustration, anger, etc.)
Lacks assertiveness or the ability to say “no”
Has soft boundaries
Shows lack of identity
Exhibits low self-reliance
Focuses on external control to avoid internal growth
Is naive; in denial
Is over conscientious
Has low confidence
Over-intellectualizes the manipulator
Exhibits co-dependency or a submissive personality
Is very impressionable
Is way too trusting
Known to be altruistic
Please try to help them find a counselor or an Intimacy Life Coach so they do not fall prey to narcissistic manipulators specifically hunting their vulnerabilities. You could save someone from a life riddled with CPTSD symptoms, by steering them clear of a fraudulent narcissist personality type.
Have you known a narcissist?
Are you reactive to any of their traits above?
Let's hear your story -