We know now that suffering from CPTSD can be brutal. When people or clients ask me what CPTSD is, I try to simplify it with:
“CPTSD is being overwhelmed by our emotions while being underwhelmed by our logic.”
I usually get a furrowed-brow look at this point, and then go on to explain it’s about our f*cked-up processing. The processing we acquire in childhood and that I’m the Intimacy Life Coach that can help with learning how to balance right and left brain hemispheric thinking lol! It’s not simple at all…
There are many issues with CPTSD and sex addiction but what about when we’re not dealing with hyper-sexuality but rather, brain and chemical balancing…or how about energy?
I recently asked a client, who’d been feeling “low”, what would give her the energy she’s needing. She answered, “a man”. Then she told me that her lack of inspiration, self worth, and energy hindered her from actually meeting a man and she now purposely avoids men and sex.
So I asked, “You know you need and want connection with a man yet, you avoid it and deprive yourself?
She said yes and explained growing up she was taught she was supposed to stay away from masturbation and sex in order to be a “good girl”. It was part of her religion and she feels it messed her up. She then asked me to explain why I feel so strongly about how sex can heal.
I began to explain that in Tantra we’re taught that when being aroused before sex (foreplay can be a week long practice in Tantra lol) the body gets flushed with endorphins and adrenaline leading to reduced pain physically. Mentally, the neuropeptides included in arousal also make us motivated and brave – a feeling that stays even after sex or self-pleasure. In combination with the hormone oxytocin – we feel more social and talkative!
I continued. I reminded her that during sex we relax more and more and the oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine that is released gives us a feeling of being connected and received by our surroundings, the energy, and the person we may be with. It gives deep and blissful relaxation and a deeper understanding of others which means that the fear to connect with other people disappears. The movements during sex releases as much, if not more, tension from the fascia and muscles of the body as yoga, martial arts, exercising, etc., leaving one with a soft and fully relaxed feeling.
FYI: I do need to stress that this is more so from pleasurable sex. There are those who feel pain should be a part of their sexual release, as there are those who feel a massage should be painful to really be affective, studies show that this does not have the same chemical release as Tantric or bonded sex.
And for those suffering from CPTSD, it is as important to regulate the mind with pleasure, as it is to know when depriving yourself of pleasure can dis-regulate the mind!
My client then asked how important orgasm is. I went on to explain that during orgasm the levels of oxytocin reach its peak and stimulation of the nerves in the pelvic floor leads to a parasympathetic flow that assists the immune system in healing the body. The brain is also stimulated and the sense of judgment and criticism dissolves, often into feelings of love and acceptance. This also makes us open and creative (sacral-sexual chakra is all about creativity and emotion).
Neuropeptide dopamine is released during a six to eight-second orgasm (but a females orgasm can go as long as 13-51 seconds in Tantra). Dopamine is a part of the reward system part of the brain and it makes feelings of motivation and enthusiasm extremely prominent. So, I continue to tell her, sex is a remedy for depression and it’s been studied and shown that sex experienced with deep consciousness (bonded and Tantric love-making) will heal the roots of depression and deep traumas as well.
Therefore, depriving ourselves of a “natural” bodily function can worsen CPTSD or the symptom of depression often accompanied with it.
Do you agree?
My client went on to ask about priests and how they deprive themselves of their nature. She wanted to discuss how this could play into their indiscretions with children. I told her we’d need to schedule another session for another day and she agreed.
What’s your take on sex, the body, deprivation, and worsening conditions? I’d love to hear your opinion!