Why Narcissists Tend to be Horrible in Bed

Narcissists don’t care about your pleasure. Their brain processing (and personality disorder) won’t allow for it. It’s just not something they’re capable of doing…but, they surely can act like it! Yep, narcissists are known to be the best actors out there, hiding within society, the ultimate frauds.


Now, it may be essential for you to make your partner happy in the bedroom. And, wanting to please, as well as be pleased, can be part of a healthy sex life. But, narcissists lack empathy, their brain can’t muster it, so they can’t really commiserate with how you are receiving pleasure. Being attuned to their partner’s pleasure isn’t in their playbook for long. They seek encounters for their own pleasure and partners who will stroke their ego.


Often, they only want very attractive partners, ones that are loud and can guide them with auditory sounds. They’re the lovers that are never satisfied. One orgasm is not enough. They often want pain involved in order to feel a win. They’re often the worst lovers ever because sex becomes a conquest to win instead of a bonding to reach intimacy and fulfillment. They’re known to be robotic bunny rabbits and lack feelings, putting partners down and judging and guilty them into being


controlled. They can tend to rely on porn, and instead of watching it with their partner, prefer to be sneaky and alone in order to hide their fraudulence, shame, and cowardice.

controlled. They can tend to rely on porn, and instead of watching it with their partner, they prefer to be sneaky and alone in order to hide their fraudulence, shame, and cowardice. ship to feel a “win” despite their losing out too. Narcissists are known for having multiple lovers, not because they are good in bed, but more so because they can’t “drive it home” (lol, punny), or be faithful when it comes to intimacy.

If you suspect you’re involved with someone on the high end of the narcissistic scale, there are things you can do. Setting boundaries and sharing your concerns within your relationships is always a great start. But, narcissists see boundaries, or the word “no”, as reasoning to go forward with yes and “win”. If you say no, they hear yes. They have natural defiance…because defiance gets more attention than complying.



Over time, narcissists become very undesirable to their lovers because of some very basic human needs not being met, like communication, awareness, and consent. These were some of the desirable qualities women and men mentioned when asked about lovers they were “unable to forget”. Even men cite communication, along with chemistry and enthusiasm (wanting to), as top characteristics for desiring. While narcissists “act” passionately early on in the relationship, it’s more of a way to boost their ego and self-esteem not pleasure another.


They are known to only continue relationships that benefit them transactionally. Meaning, they either need a “win” or an insatiable supply of attention in return. Either way, it’s all business for them. They only give to get. That’s why the number one way to get rid of a narcissistic lover is still…GIVING NO ATTENTION. Cut off their life supply, and they’ll replace you so as not to die. Narcissists CANNOT survive without attention.

How to Deal with a Narcissist


The answer you need to really get here is DON’T. Especially, in the bedroom. JUST DON’T DEAL. RUN or just let them go away. You’ll be left underwhelmed and disappointed because there is no real way to satisfy their ego. They are an empty pit, a fraud. They’ll tell the world you’re a horrible lay if they fear you might reveal the truth about them. It’s just the way they are.

If you suspect you’re involved with someone on the high end of the narcissistic scale, there are things you can do. Setting boundaries and sharing your concerns within your relationships is always a great start. But, narcissists see boundaries, or the word “no”, as reasoning to go forward with yes and “win”. If you say no, they hear yes. They have a natural defiance…because defiance gets more attention than complying.


It is often said that talking to a narcissist is giving them a “heads up” to how to further manipulate you. Like showing them your chess moves before you make them, and then when you do, they’re already ahead of you. They love to draw you in and “act” as if they’re the best listeners ever, then they use your information against you. Again, the best way to deal with a narcissist is DON’T.

Me First?


Ironically, if you’re not getting your needs met, you may need to draw on your own inter/independence. Put yourself first for a while, end the relationship, and find someone who’s willing to be a team with you. There are an incredible amount of amazing lovers out there (especially in the Tantra realm) you don’t need a lover who really isn’t even present or could care less about you. That’s a dangerous game to play if you believe in energy. It is often said that a narcissist’s energy can block the sexual chakra (sacral) and wreak havoc on the entire body, mind, and soul!


Your thoughts? If you have an experience you can share regarding a narcissistic lover, please contact me at dezigolden@gmail.com


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