No one expects they'll be fired from their job due to the narcissist's constant phone calls and visits...until it happens. No one expects their child to take their own life due to having an overly judgemental narcissistic parent...until it happens.
No one expects an abusive narcissistic partner to harm or kill their cat. It's just a threat, right?...until it happens.
No one expects they'll be pressured into a threesome to placate their unfaithful narcissistic partner...until it happening because that's what they wanted for their birthday present. No expects they'll be diagnosed with Lupus or another autoimmune disorder due to long-term emotional cortisol stress...until it happens. Now, these awful things don't happen in every single case of narcissistic personality disorder abuse, but that's the thing...no one expects these things to happen, until they do. While each of us has a certain amount of control over our lives, we cannot control other people...and we shouldn't even try. Every decision we make inside relationships has a ripple effect, with a narcissist, the ripples are waves!
We don't realize in the moment that our decisions affect not only our own future, but the future of others, as well. Our children, siblings, parents, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. Most of us don't even know the NPD is a narcissist because they are so charming and covert in the beginning. Some can hide their demon side for up to three years! Inside of three years, they can own a home with you, become your wife or husband, even produce children...all before the other shoe even drops and the "stuck" happens.
We don't realize in the moment that our decisions affect not only our own future but the future of others, as well. Our children, siblings, parents, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. Most of us don't even know the NPD is a narcissist because they are so charming and covert in the beginning. Some can hide their demon side for up to three years! Inside of three years, they can own a home with you, become your wife or husband, even produce children...all before the other shoe even drops and the "stuck" happens.
No doubt, the choices we make today dictate what our lives will be like in one, three, and five years or more. From the smallest, seemingly irrelevant choices to the big ones. This is true for all, regardless of lifestyle, circumstances, or employment status. But what we're really talking about today is the decisions we make each day while in toxic relationships. Many of us think wencan manage the dysfunction, that nothing too bad can really happen...but sadly, at some point and time we're proven wrong.
How to navigate your moments of "Choosing"
1 – Notice your “F*ck This” moments
In every toxic relationship, there comes a point where you look at your life and think, “F*ck This”. It could be a moment of awareness during an argument when you, for the one-thousandth time, have to defend yourself regarding cheating you are certain you don't do and know it's their way of gaslighting or when you’re being subjected to yet another silent abuse moment, or maybe a new triangulation event with whoever new has entered the relationship without your permission. We all have “F*ck This” moments during the course of toxic relationships.
Choose A Manifesting - It’s during our “F*ck This” moments that we can choose to start planning a new life. We may not know what that looks like, but we all know manifesting is how we get what we want. The key to this type of "law of attraction" energy is to not allow the narcissist to poison our thoughts.
Choose B Someday – Often we choose to “work on” the relationship because leaving is too stressful at present. That does not mean we can't "someday" our freedom choice. Getting out is often impossible until our body and cortisol is at a level we can manage. A narcissist tries to keep us twisted up in drama so we never have the balance and strength to leave, they much prefer they do the "discard". That doesn't mean Plan B can't be someday...
Choose C Survivor Thriver - Know that you are no less than other survivors! Ultimately, there are no defining differences between you and others who have made it through these choice points. Nurses, doctors, attorneys, therapists, firemen, cashiers, truckers, neighbors, cousins, or whoever can lose everything while believing in a fraudulent narcissist. Those unemployed, on disability, and even a few people on the brink of homelessness decide to work toward building a different life for themselves. Our circumstances don’t define us. Choice, change, and recovery do.